Recently, former AOA member Jimin confessed to her recent mental struggles, a day before the release of her new album.
On June 9, she posted a lengthy message on her personal Instagram about her album process.
“Finally, it is one day before the release. For about a month, I was a total mess. I became the most sensitive person in the world, unable to explain myself anywhere. I thought about it. I have to keep doing things on my own, and if I continue like this, I feel that even my friends who help me would get tired of me.
For a whole month, as someone who can’t drink, I had to drink every day just to fall asleep. This is because medication didn’t solve the problem.
Honestly, it’s been hard to even meet the few friends I have recently because I’m so sensitive. Even when we did meet, I still couldn’t sort things out, and I don’t know why, but I would come home feeling hurt.
I finished the music video yesterday, and everything is finally over. My first thought was: ‘What a relief’ and ‘It’s done now,’ and I looked in the mirror.
I don’t know why, but I cried for 20 minutes after passing the review. My face was all black, and my hair was completely white. My lips were chapped, and I had bitten my hands so much that I couldn’t even shampoo freely.
My quality of life deteriorated so much that I promised myself I wouldn’t bite my hands again, but before I knew it, I was doing it again. I don’t know why I keep crying all day long. Maybe it’s because I was away from home for so long, Kkureu was having bloody stools. Kkureu, who used to be so clingy, has started to sleep in the living room.
I felt bad, so I kept going out to the living room to bring him back, but after about three minutes, he would go out again. I was upset he was acting like this, as if I had forgotten the things I hadn’t done for him.
I’m sorry Kkureu. It’s overwhelming trying to do everything alone. There were so many things to worry about, which made it emotionally draining.
I had a lot of doubts, wondering if everyone who helped with my music would feel proud of this work. I did the best I could. It wasn’t easy to run around and find a permitted filming location and a place I liked. I had two suitcases full of props, picked up costumes, and went around getting my hair and makeup done.
After filming, I took the subway, and when I arrived home about an hour and a half later, I thought to myself: ‘What schedule do I have tomorrow?’ and ‘Let’s just have a drink and go to bed early.’
But this is what I want to say. What does it matter if the song is good, the music video is good, or the jacket photos are good? Many people say they hate me, and that even my closest friends receive hate comments because they are friends with me. Instead of being any help, it feels like I am holding back a friend I cherish.
My heart aches and feels heavy. Thank you to my friends who have stayed by my side despite everything. Thanks for helping this wild-and-crazy Jimin. I never imagined, or even dared to ask for, a lot of love. I just want to be someone my friends, family, and fans can be proud of. This is my true wish.”
— Jimin
With this, fans showed support by leaving positive comments on her post.